forgiveness can be a tricky word

I watched a movie the other night called the "Grace Card". In the movie one of the character says "it's easy to receive grace, but it's hard to give away."

That is SO True!! When I have done something wrong, I want to be forgiven! I ask my husband, my friends, my kids to forgive me. I really want want forgiveness or grace when I have messed up. However, when someone has wronged me, and I get to choose whether or not I want to give grace or forgive. It can be so hard to give!

This week in my bible study we have been talking about this. It has been very interesting to hear where other people find it hard to forgive others, is it because they have a "repeat offender" in their life that is always messing up, that makes it so hard to give grace. Or is it a matter that forgiveness is offered more easily depending on what the offense is. What or where do you see the line in your own life that makes giving grace hard.

I think grace or forgiveness can be hardest when the offender either does not claim responsibility for the offense or doesn't even care enough to apologize for the offense in the first place. However, I do realize that the bible tells us we are supposed to forgive others. We are to offer forgiveness over, and over again if necessary. I have come to understand that offering someone grace or forgiveness has nothing to do with them, but has everything to do with the condition of my heart. By offering forgiveness it keeps my heart soft, it keeps it loving, and not a hard little stone.

It does get easier the more often I fall to my knees to God and pray that he helps me forgive others instantly, instead of nursing a grudge for days, weeks, and um.. I am sure I have never held a grudge longer than a year. However, I am learning to trust him, and turn over even my brokeness to him and letting him give me peace and restore my soul. It is a hard but freeing process. I am definitely a work in progress.

Have you ever found it hard to give someone else grace or forgiveness? What do you do when you know that you need to forgive someone but you just don't "feel" like it? Do you find it easier to receive grace or give grace? I would love to know what you think about the subject, please leave me a comment, I love comments!

Forgiving and Loving others (a.k.a. theme word update)

Wow! Why is it that it is so hard to forgive others? Why is it so hard to let go of the hurts we feel? Why is it so hard to let go of the anger that those hurts have bubbled up in our heart? I guess for myself I feel justified to be hurt or angry. I want the offender to recognize and acknowledge that they have hurt me and I want them to say they are sorry and ask for forgiveness. Why is that? I have struggled with this question for the last 2 weeks. I guess because 1) the offender recognizing that they have hurt my feelings would "justify" or at least acknowledge that my heart was hurt. It validates me as an individual. Secondly when someone says they are sorry, it allows me to be in a place of control where I get to choose to forgive them.

However, God has been speaking directly to my heart this last 2 weeks. That 1) he (God) knows my heart and sees the hurt that was inflicted on it. 2) Whether or not the "offender" ask for forgiveness- I always have the right to "Choose" to forgive that individual.

So what is my decision? Will I give up my right to be hurt, mad, and upset? Will I "choose" to forgive the person who has hurt my feelings? (And not just my personal feelings but someone who has hurt 2 of my 3 kids feelings, and is about to hurt the feelings of some of my additional families feelings by their actions-ugh!!) However like my theme word for the year "Cultivate" (you can go to that post by clicking here.) God is definitely trying to promote growth in me by me letting go of my rights, my feelings, and choosing to forgive and love others through actions, letting God tend to my bruised heart.

For those of you who do not know the exact definition of "cultivate" it is as follows:

cul·ti·vate (klt-vt)

tr.v. cul·ti·vat·ed, cul·ti·vat·ing, cul·ti·vates

1.

a. To improve and prepare (land), as by plowing or fertilizing, for raising crops; till.

b. To loosen or dig soil around (growing plants).

2. To grow or tend (a plant or crop).

3. To promote the growth of (a biological culture).

4. To nurture; foster. See Synonyms at nurture.

5. To form and refine, as by education.

6. To seek the acquaintance or goodwill of; make friends with.

God reminds me that I am a role model for my 3 daughters who are watching me, and how I deal with "my feelings", "my hurt", "my rights" and seeing if I hold tightly to them for my glory to be right, or if I surrender them to God by letting go, choosing to forgive others. Choosing to love them and forgive them regardless "if their" actions and behavior does not show love. (because if actions speak louder than our words. Then that is a truth that goes both ways. So what if their actions are not loving, what are my actions going to be?) God allows me to choose, will I turn from my own ways and my own desire? It has been a struggle! I will be honest. I have wrestled with this hurt for about 2 weeks now. (And truthfully I have been struggling with a portion of this since my oldest birthday in August) However I have decided that God wants me to humble myself and let go. It does not matter that I am right. What does matter is that I reflect the love of God and forgive others. I can not tell my daughters to forgive others that hurt them, to let it go, be the Bigger person -do not let their actions determine their behavior "IF" they don't see me doing the same. I am just praying and leaning on God to deal with my bruised heart and feelings and deciding and choosing to stand up to be the kind of person God wants me to be, that I want to be, and that my daughter's need me to be.

I choose to forgive others, I choose to Love!

So here I am an insignificant,woman a mom, wife, with hurt feelings but because of who God is, and because of Who he is, that is shaping and refining me. Because of Who he says I am, I am able to love others and forgive others way beyond the capacity of my little heart.

Are you a lover?

I love the TV show "The good wife" on CBS! The beautiful Julianna Margulies plays a character named Alicia Florrick, whose husband has an affair while holding a public office. The show has offered insight as to how difficult and hurt a wife would be to find her self in this position, let alone also in the public spotlight. I can not imagine even trying to handle some of the things that her character has found herself dealing with, as well as trying to explain them to her children. The show really keeps you guessing and it is a fun show to watch! Fans of the show have different views and opinions as to what "Alicia Florrick" should do in the story. The television show is packed full of relationship drama as well as legal drama.

I thought about the show "The good wife" this last 2 weeks while I was reading the book "Redeeming Love" by Francine Rivers. The book is a retelling of the book of Hosea. It brings to life the characters in the book, and what they must have felt personally to endure such problems in the their lives. To have to struggle with betrayal, hurt, and forgiveness. I thought as I pondered and read the book, "How would I handle this situation"? More often than not as much as I would have loved to say I would be able to show forgiveness and love, I'm not sure exactly what I would have done. I think my gut reaction to hurt, is to hurt back or withdrawal and cut those types of people out of my life. However as I continued to read the wonderful book by Francine River all I could think was

Isaiah 55:8 (New International Version)

⁸ “For my thoughts are not your thoughts,
neither are your ways my ways,”
declares the LORD.

"Lord, that is so true! Your thoughts are not my natural thoughts, your ways are not my natural response. Please Lord, help me to be more like you. Let me be able to forgive those who hurt me. Let me be able to continue to show kindness to those who are rude, and unkind." I am not a natural lover, unless you count my children who it is easy for me to forgive. Others who are careless with my feelings, or those that hurt my kids feeling are much harder for me to forgive. Do you find it easy to love, really love the people in your life you bump into? Do you forgive easy?

Well, if you are busy making your list for summer and have not read the book "Redeeming Love" you must add this one to your summer reading list.

We are Family!!

Ok, my family is filled with democrats, republicans, conservatives, liberals, Christians, undecided, longhair, short hair, overweight, skinny fitness buffs, working moms, stay at home moms, the well to do, the not so well off, great cooks, can not even boil water!, the hairy, the bald, the freckles, the organized neat ones, the sloppy maybe I can find it in a week or two people, the young full of energy, obnoxious teenagers (please insert eye roll here!), the youth just out of college trying to find their way, the middle age, the upper middle age, and the senior citizens, the meat lovers, and the vegetarians. My family is filled with pretty much any type of person you can name. Where am I going with this you are wondering (stick around I promise I have a point!)
Family is precious - you might not always get along, in fact the better you trust your bond of love the more you will feel to speak up when you disagree!! You learn to listen to other points of views, you learn to see the world through someone else view, you might be lucky enough to inherit some tried and true recipes that have been handed down through the generations! IF, and I do emphasis the "IF" you may be real lucky to have a hot line to call to ask all those cooking questions to if you are trying a recipe for the first time, if grandparents are still alive!!
It's where you learn to accept others that are different from you, or who think different from you!!! Your family allows you to never be truly alone!! You will never have to wait in the waiting room at the emergency room alone, if you loose your job, somebody always has room or extra to give! If your heart is broken someone is there to help you glue back the pieces and help it heal again! Family fills in when someone decides to bow out from not being there (my hubby's grandfather taught him to shave, and how to put on a cup!) The good, the bad, and the ugly occurs in family situations we are not always at our best but we hopeful learn and get to see love triumph over all! We learn the act of forgiveness! We learn how to give and share! We also learn how love seems to multiple to be given to a lot of people!!
I think that is what has bothered me most about the story of the lady who adopted an orphan from Russia - where was the love? where was the forgiveness? where was the acceptance? I have yet to hear any of that -regarding her, or her family and what they did to try to make possible (I will give the benefit of the doubt here) a difficult situation better?? It also has hurt the chances of other good individuals who would love to be parents who are currently trying to adopt a Russian orphan, as well as crushed the dreams of some orphans to have a family of their own! Family is such a blessing, a gift you give yourself - my heart is full of sadness when learning of this story -However I believe this story plays itself out here in America every day. My heart also hurts when I hear stories of unforgiveness that have broken and splintered families apart, or unacceptance that have shattered the bonds of love. When a spouse chooses to not honor the vows the made to their spouse. I pray that we would recognize today the value of our family and remember that things usually happen so slowly that we do not recognize the ripple effect it has!!! There is a song at right now (please forgive me I do not know who the singer is) where one of the lines says "families do not crumble in a day" so true - guard yours well, respect the individuals, forgive them when they mess up, and hopefully the will forgive you as well!! Sorry for my rambling this has been on my heart!!!