Friday, July 10, 2015
Turning 45 and getting older
I turned 45 years old this year. Getting older, has held some surprises for me. Who would have ever believed that I would not be able to stay up as late at night (now when I have teenager daughters with curfews, the irony is not lost on me), that my friends would get together and discuss face creams, what is appropriate eye make for someone in their 40's (was shimmer/metallic eyeshadow too much for someone in the forty's or was only matte eyeshadow acceptable) and our vitamins supplements (we used to discuss getting our kids to bed, & their vitamin supplements). We still discuss sex, marriage etc..but from the view point of women who have been married 15-20 years now. We discuss our kids, who are now teens or young adults. One girlfriend is going to be a grandma soon, and boy oh boy is that new territory for us to discuss.
I knew I always believed in marriage and keeping your vows, and I longed to grow old with my husband. I did not expect as a young bride when I said "I do" the deep joy, and contentment of being really known by another and knowing them. Growing in like opinions, goals and world view, while retaining our own distinct personalities. Learning another's love language and how to show love to another. Enjoying the company of another without the need to talk but just enjoy being in the other presence (for a talker this is a big deal!)
I am also more accepting of me and who I am. I have struggled over the years with my weight. I lose weight, I gain weight it has been a very personal struggle one that I have just not seem to be able to put that battle behind me. I have decided that I do want to keep trying to be healthy and to get in shape, however if I am never thin, and if I never win this battle to be what others would describe as "normal" weight. As disappointing as that would be, well I would still be me. ME is not the worse thing that could happen to me, I have grown to like myself, I have grown to see my strengths, learned my weakness, Been humbled as God has shown me rough areas in myself and have worked on smoothing out my rough edges. I wish I could say I have out grown all sense of vanity, but I haven't. However, I think I have been able to put it into a healthy perspective and it is not the be all end all that it used to be.
I think I have grown to appreciate what's really real in life: real relationships, real friendships, real ups and real downs, joys and struggles, allowing myself to be known and really getting to know others is so more important than impressions. Impressions are imitations of a person done to entertain. I'm done entertaining others I would rather be known. Because I have learned that there is beauty, comfort, joy, and contentment in being known and in knowing others. So I continue to work on dropping my facade, allowing friends to have "messy house" privileges, seeing me w/out my full makeup and hair on, and being truthful about struggles that I have or that I am facing in life now.