It is amazing how things in life can be going along so smoothly, no cloud in the sky as far as you can see, and something can happen that just breaks your heart. Heart break is a funny thing, because no one can see it, no one knows it around you. Nobody can see that past your smiling face, that your heart is breaking, you are crying on the inside. Your heart is torn.
This last fall, we went to the first football game, which since we live in a small town, it means it was the social highlight of the month! Football games are Big here in Oklahoma, and a home game, means you better paint your toes, pick out a cute outfit, plan an early dinner because we are going out tonight! So, sorry I digress. We were at the first football game of the season, the crowd was humming with excitement. When my middle daughter asked to go hang out with some girls from school. I said, yes, but she needed to check in about every 30 minutes. I kept an eye out for her, I am a little protective. As I watched the girls interact through out the first half of the game, I picked up on some body language that some of the girls did not like my daughter. I was not overly concerned at this point, because not everybody likes everybody. At times we connect with some people, but not others. That is a fact of life. I get it.
When my daughter checked in, I asked her if everything was going OK, and was she having a good time, and would she rather come sit by us for a while, or another friend we had seen earlier. She said no, and went back to hanging out with her "friends". It was not another 10 minutes, that I saw the same group of girls running, and laughing looking back over their shoulders and hiding from someone. Yep, you guessed it. My daughter. About the time I was putting two and two together, I scanned my over to the entrance ramp into the bleachers and there stood my daughter confused, looking around trying to figure out what happened to her friends. As she stood there you could see when it finally dawned on her that her "friends" had ditched her, her young face displayed every emotion and thought she had. I was saddened for her, and waved at her to get her attention. Needless to say that evening was full of tears, and crying. I tried to point out that "real friends" don't act like this.
However, my daughters heart was broken, the girl that she thought was her best friend was one of the girls that ran away. To make things worse, she is in class with this group of girls. It has been a very hard year. She has been left out, and 3 of the girls have gone as far as ignoring her even at the table during class. I have tried to speak to the teachers they were very nice, but I have failed to see where anything has changed. It is a daily thing. Girls can be so cruel. Words do hurt, and they do leave marks, those marks on just on the inside. I try to tell her not to pay attention, find someone else to hang out with. However, when you only have 22 kids in your class and 3 of them are very vocal about being mean to you it is a hard situation to handle. Especially if you are only 11.
I have spent so much time in prayer for her. Praying that God would bless her with a friend. I have been praying for the girls that have been being so unkind to my daughter. Let me tell you, that has been the hardest, nothing shows me how much my ways, are different from Gods way, and how holy he is- because my flesh wants to tell those girls a thing or two about how mean they are being. I want to tell my daughter to be mean right back. However I know that the bible tells me we are to bless are enemies. Be kind to them. This is so hard to do-I'll be honest, it is even harder to give wise advice to a crying daughter. However this is where what I believe is truth, or its just a good story. I have to decide or choose what my response will be. Sometimes I feel that I make God proud, other time, I hand my head down in shame. However, I know God knows that I hurt, and that my daughter is hurting, and I know that God is in control, and I am praying that God's hand is on this situation. I know that my helps come from the Lord, so even though I am crying on the inside I will praise God, and trust him.
However at times, it just hurts. I think sometimes it's best just to acknowledge the pain and hurt, and be honest. So that is what I am doing. If you read my blog I would ask that you would join me in prayers asking for God's best for these girls & soften their hearts, as well that God would send my daughter a good friend. As well that I would have the wisdom to say the right things, and be an example to my daughter, and not "react" but "respond" correctly.
I know this situation is not an illness, or death, but it is a constant hurt, that is picked at each day that is not healing. I think the little things do matter to God. Thank you for your prayers, and support!!