Forgiving and Loving others (a.k.a. theme word update)

Wow! Why is it that it is so hard to forgive others? Why is it so hard to let go of the hurts we feel? Why is it so hard to let go of the anger that those hurts have bubbled up in our heart? I guess for myself I feel justified to be hurt or angry. I want the offender to recognize and acknowledge that they have hurt me and I want them to say they are sorry and ask for forgiveness. Why is that? I have struggled with this question for the last 2 weeks. I guess because 1) the offender recognizing that they have hurt my feelings would "justify" or at least acknowledge that my heart was hurt. It validates me as an individual. Secondly when someone says they are sorry, it allows me to be in a place of control where I get to choose to forgive them.

However, God has been speaking directly to my heart this last 2 weeks. That 1) he (God) knows my heart and sees the hurt that was inflicted on it. 2) Whether or not the "offender" ask for forgiveness- I always have the right to "Choose" to forgive that individual.

So what is my decision? Will I give up my right to be hurt, mad, and upset? Will I "choose" to forgive the person who has hurt my feelings? (And not just my personal feelings but someone who has hurt 2 of my 3 kids feelings, and is about to hurt the feelings of some of my additional families feelings by their actions-ugh!!) However like my theme word for the year "Cultivate" (you can go to that post by clicking here.) God is definitely trying to promote growth in me by me letting go of my rights, my feelings, and choosing to forgive and love others through actions, letting God tend to my bruised heart.

For those of you who do not know the exact definition of "cultivate" it is as follows:

cul·ti·vate (klt-vt)

tr.v. cul·ti·vat·ed, cul·ti·vat·ing, cul·ti·vates

1.

a. To improve and prepare (land), as by plowing or fertilizing, for raising crops; till.

b. To loosen or dig soil around (growing plants).

2. To grow or tend (a plant or crop).

3. To promote the growth of (a biological culture).

4. To nurture; foster. See Synonyms at nurture.

5. To form and refine, as by education.

6. To seek the acquaintance or goodwill of; make friends with.

God reminds me that I am a role model for my 3 daughters who are watching me, and how I deal with "my feelings", "my hurt", "my rights" and seeing if I hold tightly to them for my glory to be right, or if I surrender them to God by letting go, choosing to forgive others. Choosing to love them and forgive them regardless "if their" actions and behavior does not show love. (because if actions speak louder than our words. Then that is a truth that goes both ways. So what if their actions are not loving, what are my actions going to be?) God allows me to choose, will I turn from my own ways and my own desire? It has been a struggle! I will be honest. I have wrestled with this hurt for about 2 weeks now. (And truthfully I have been struggling with a portion of this since my oldest birthday in August) However I have decided that God wants me to humble myself and let go. It does not matter that I am right. What does matter is that I reflect the love of God and forgive others. I can not tell my daughters to forgive others that hurt them, to let it go, be the Bigger person -do not let their actions determine their behavior "IF" they don't see me doing the same. I am just praying and leaning on God to deal with my bruised heart and feelings and deciding and choosing to stand up to be the kind of person God wants me to be, that I want to be, and that my daughter's need me to be.

I choose to forgive others, I choose to Love!

So here I am an insignificant,woman a mom, wife, with hurt feelings but because of who God is, and because of Who he is, that is shaping and refining me. Because of Who he says I am, I am able to love others and forgive others way beyond the capacity of my little heart.